Even Though We Are This Close : : Athrun Zala's Feeling : :
by Asuka Mayu
Summary: [POST-SEED] [AxC] [ONE-SHOT] Cagalli questions Athrun of his feeling, though in a manner not to his liking. Athrun thought it reaches her already, but apparently it has not. Yet he only knows one way to show her.


**Hey, Mayu's here! It has been quite some time since I last wrote a canon so here's my attempt after err 6 years? lol This is one of those random ideas that popped into my head as I lazed around and it is lucky enough to be properly written down instead of staying as an idea forever like many of them XD Anyway, enjoy!**

**Even Though We are This Close ~Athrun Zala's Feeling~**

"Stop staring at Lacus – it's gross."

Athrun blinks, startled as his arm is nudged by the girl with short blonde hair beside him. He turns around just to find Cagalli shooting him dirty looks, her arms crossed. They are leaning on the veranda, just chilling at the orphanage where Lacus and Kira currently live, enjoying Cagalli's rare night off. Done with the dinner, both of them are ushered by Lacus and Caridad, Kira's mother, to enjoy the night breeze instead of helping them clearing the table as they have enough help from the older children of the orphanage. Kira is supposed to join them but he was pulled along by Andrew Wardfelt to sample his new concoction of exotics coffee, which without no doubt, will be served to them a short time later. The main sampler of Andrew's coffee is Murrue, but she has excused herself earlier to join Reverend Malchio watching the news.

"I am _not_ staring at Lacus," Athrun denies with an eyebrow arched, wondering where Cagalli had gotten such an absurd idea. True enough, Lacus is in his field of vision but he is not especially looking at _her_.

Cagalli, however, is not buying that. "You are."

The blue-haired boy reaches out for her shoulder but Cagalli turns away, avoiding his touch even though it is a familiar gesture. Now she has her back on him, yet not moving a step away from the spot.

"Cagalli…" Athrun sighs. He throws his gaze at the calm sea to clear his head. He knows quite a lot of things to survive the world but handling a sulking girl is not one of them, especially when it happens all out of blue and without any reason. But after a moment, he smiles – surely the little Lioness of Orb could not be jealous?

"Kira, we'll be at the beach," he says to Kira who has just appeared, bearing a tray of a few cups coffee and a blank expression he sports after the end of the war. Before the brunette gets to say anything, Athrun pulls Cagalli along down the stairs and towards the welcoming beach. The girl, surprisingly, does not put up a fight. The two walk along the sandy beach in silence; enjoying the cool breeze as the sea splashes away gently, illuminated by the full moon. The sky was cloudless and clear, thus starry – it is indeed a beautiful night to spend outside and both of them are secretly glad they can be at the beach instead of Cagalli's office tonight.

"Wish you'd watch me like that, too," Cagalli mutters after a while, kicking the sand playfully with the tips of her flip flops. Whenever she gets to dress casually, Cagalli mostly choose sneakers over any other footwear but she would wear flip flops when she goes visiting the orphanage since she loves the feeling of the sand on her feet.

Athrun almost chuckle at the childish tone but he manages to strain it to a smile. "I do nothing but watching you all day along, Cagalli."

Cagalli blushes immediately as she realizes how true Athrun's statement is. As Cagalli's newly appointed bodyguard, Athrun does just that – watching her all day along for any possible danger. Not that there is any, though since everyone is still recovering from the previous war to set up another. Athrun is appointed solely on Cagalli's whim, rejecting all the other, sensible candidates from ORB line of military much to the disagreement of newly assembled representatives of ORB. It is, however, the last selfish request of her as the Princess of ORB after the placement of the rest of Three Ships Alliance crews such as Kira, Lacus, Murrue and Andrew.

"And I was not watching Lacus – I am simply _watching_ _over_ her," Athrun continues gently but firmly.

"As her fiancé?" Cagalli's voice sounds distant as she takes a few more steps.

Athrun, on the other hand, stops at his track; the smile is washed away from his face. "As an acquaintance and an old friend from PLANTs because she has no one now. I told you the engagement are off, didn't I?"

He clearly remembers telling Cagalli – back in the L4 colony where the three ships alliance formed was soon after Lacus' defect from PLANTs with Eternal. He properly told Cagalli that Lacus was already an '_ex-fiancée'_ when Cagalli asked if he was not bothered by the surprising intimacy of Lacus and Kira. They never bring up the topic ever again but Athrun sure Cagalli does not simply forget something like that.

"They don't think so, though, back in PLANTs now."

Finally Cagalli is talking about something that makes sense to Athrun. She must be referring to the news that was aired by the PLANTs media a few days ago – about the complete disappearance of their pop idol after the battle of Jachin Due, together with the rumour on how 'her beloved fiancé of a mobile suit pilot and the son of the late chairman defected his own father and ZAFT just to be with her'. Both of them had shared a secret smile upon watching the news but Athrun is actually offended by rumour; what with him portrayed as someone who would abandon his belief just for a mere girl; fiancée or no fiancée, Lacus or no Lacus. He manages to let it pass, anyway but he cannot appreciate Cagalli bringing it up again in such an unceremonious way when she knows there is no absolute truth in the rumor.

"There is no one to tell the truth back in PLANTs – my father is gone, _her_ father is gone, and both of us are pretty much gone as well. We can't really fax the info over, can we?" Athrun tries to reason as calm as an Athrun Zala can be.

Cagalli keeps silent as she walks towards a big rock before climbing off to sit on it. Now she does not look like Cagalli Yula Attha the Chief Representative of Orb Union but rather more like Cagalli Yula, the Goddess of Victory of the Desert Dawn; though the light green three-quarter pants and yellow tank top she is sporting now are quite a contrast of the cargo pants and red t-shirt she used to wear back then. Athrun follows her, standing behind the rock should she falls. Sighing fondly at Cagalli's straight posture; a reminder that she is a princess through and through no matter what she seems to be – he puts his hands on her shoulder and starts to massage them lightly.

"You must be tired, right – attending meetings all day and going through the documents all night," Athrun says softly, trying to initiate a better conversation. _It must be the stress to cause you to sprout nonsense all of a sudden._

Cagalli nods slowly. "There are just so many things I don't understand…"

Athrun smiles even though he knows Cagalli cannot see it. "I can help a little, if I'm allowed to. I minored in Politics, you know."

The blonde girl he was massaging turns her head slightly to meet his eyes. "Really?"

He nods. "Yes, back in high school – cum – college I attended before I joined the ZAFT academy. I was a Mechatronics major, though."

Cagalli returns her gaze to the sea. She let a few moments pass before her voice becomes all distant again when she speaks.

"Easy for you – being a Coordinator and all. They must have been in your head since the beginning."

Athrun's hands stop and left her shoulder at once and that is when Cagalli knows she has just stepped on a landmine. She turns around swiftly and true enough, her panic amber eyes meet Athrun's cold emerald ones.

"Coordinators are not born with knowledge, you know. We are not born with skills, either. I wasn't born knowing how to pilot a mobile suit, or slitting one's throat," Athrun's voice is even colder than his eyes.

The atmosphere has turned to resemble that during their first meeting on an unmanned island a few months ago. Regret consumes Cagalli at once. She should know better than saying that – did not Kira tell her something similar back in Archangel before?

"_The Coordinators are not different from anyone else."_

"_But you guys can do so much more than we can – since birth."_

"_Only if we practice, study or train properly. We're not born with special abilities just because we are Coordinators. It's true we don't catch deadly diseases and we are born after our genes are operated on to alter our potential abilities and physical features. But I understood this as the Naturals', or rather, everyone's dream. Thus, here we are."_

The silence that follows almost chokes the breath out of Cagalli. She realizes Athrun has shifted his sight to the nothingness instead of her, his expression unreadable. She reaches out her hand to touch Athrun's arm lightly and feels relieved that he does not recoil.

"I'm sorry," she says, almost inaudible but she knows Athrun can hear her.

When Athrun finally looks at her, his expression is heart-breaking – Cagalli could not decide if it is sadness or disappointment but either of them she does not ever want to see on Athrun's face ever again as she had seen enough of them during the war.

"Where's you're getting at, Cagalli?" he asks, his voice mirroring his expression. "Bringing up about Lacus and I when you know it's totally over between us, taking jabs at me for being a Coordinator – even though we are this close – what is it that you want from me?"

Cagalli hangs her head low; her hand unconsciously pulls Athrun closer until her head touches Athrun's chest.

"Your feelings – I want your feelings, Athrun Zala."

"My _feelings_?"

Cagalli nods as tears cloud her eyes and eventually drop and mingle with the sand below their feet.

"I know you are not good in telling people what you're thinking – it's impossible to throw that hamster in your head away. But I wish you would share what you feel with me; maybe not all but at least some of them. I'm happy, really happy, that you choose to stay here and work with me but even so, you feel so distant – unreachable, even. Maybe I can't get close to you because I'm not from PLANTs, and not betrothed to you like Lacus was, or maybe because I'm not a Coordinator so I don't know how it feels to be one but I really want to get know you – and yet you never even tell me of what that kiss means back in Archangel… "

There is silence yet again – long, painful silence. Cagalli almost can listen to her own heartbeat, afraid of Athrun's possible response. She does not even dare to lift up her head to face the blue-haired boy. Yet ironically, she feels a tad lighter for being able to finally voice out what has been in her mind all this while.

After of what seems to Cagalli like eternity, she feels Athrun's strong arms wrapped around her small frame of a body.

"Didn't it get across to you?" he asks, his voice a bit croaked but he sounds quite surprised all the same. "Should I try again?"

In a split moment, Athrun lifts Cagalli's face up and claims her glossed lips. Cagalli's eyes widen in shock before closing in reflex and she starts to respond beyond her control like it is the most normal thing to do. It feels like déjà vu to her; the kiss is just as passionate as the one Athrun had obliged her for the first time back in Archangel before they took off for their last battle, and just as great – perhaps this is the skill Athrun has born with, after all.

"Do you get it now?" Athrun asks as he ends the kiss.

Cagalli is not sure what is she supposed to get – not with her inside all numb and tingly after the kiss; in fact, she can say her head is completely empty. Despite that, there is something warm nestles in her heart and she wonders if that is the thing Athrun wants her to get. She stares deep into his beautiful emerald eyes. There is what looks like desperation in them, which somehow amuses Cagalli and makes her feel like teasing him a little.

"No," she answers, feigning confusion to look more convincing.

Athrun almost wastes no time to pull her into another mind-blowing kiss which Cagalli accepts with much pleasure. She could do this the whole night and not get bored – what can she do to make Athrun feel the same?

"Still no?" the Coordinator boy asks once again after he gasps for the much needed air.

"No," the Natural girl answers one-second flat without any consideration at all.

If Athrun is suspicious about the too fast for an answer, he does not show it. Yet, he sweeps down to kiss the girl senseless again without any hesitation.

Between the countless trips to heaven and her untruthful denials to keep the bliss going, Cagalli can finally hear it loud and clear in her head – the "_I love you_" spoken in a familiar, sweet and unwavering voice of someone who is always awkward with his words that he can never say it outright; someone who is too used on fighting his inner demons by himself that he cannot bring someone else close – and at last, Athrun Zala's feeling reaches Cagalli.

**To be honest, I am never good in this kind of story lol but I insist of writing it to the end and even then I find out somehow it does not really turn out like how I wanted it to be but well, it worth a try anyway. That aside, thanks a lot for reading and some reviews would be nice, by the way, while I return back to my land of AUs XD **

**p.s. Forgive me for any typo or grammar error because I really cannot read this over and over again without cringing lol**

**p.s.s. The title is obviously inspired by the song track Anna ni Issho Datta no Ni ~Athrun Zala's Feeling~ but well, if the tittle is to be translated, it will be Konna ni Issho Desu no Ni ~Athrun Zala's Feeling~ instead. Yes, I'm random like that lol**


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